Like a few of my posts, this one may seem a little left-field but dig deep into the memory banks and I can assure you that we’ve all witnessed this somewhere in our wedding attending past.
The subject of today’s conjecture is of course the bridesmaid at a wedding who sings during the ceremony and then proceeds to take over the whole wedding gig.
This is a slightly controversial one in that it appears that I am completely taking the proverbial piss out of people trying to sing. I guess, in a way, I am but that’s not the driving point of my argument here. I’m just having a little moan so please pleasure me.
Let me break it down for you….
It’s a beautiful sunny day, the congregation is seated and the wedding ceremony is under way. The vineyards sway gently in the background caressed by a light wind. The birds twitter in song, the sun beats down on this blessed scene…and then someone absolutely massacres “The Rose” by Bett Midler. Why is it always “The Rose” during a wedding ceremony?! It’s almost as if there is an unwritten law permitting only ‘The Rose” to be sung during a wedding ceremony- but this is just an aside.
It’s normally the groom’s sister but can equally be a cousin or a close friend of the bride who has somehow attained the position of ‘the person who can sing’ amongst the wedding group. She would have attained this role having put in years of impromptu vocal performances around a fire, the school play, summer camp, in a road trip singing along to the car stereo- she’s earnt her place, literally, on the altar. I’m not criticising it either- anyone who has the balls (excuse the pun) to sing in a wedding ceremony has my vote. I’ve done it and it’s horrendously nerve wracking. That is, however, where it should end- at the altar.
Unfortunately, an additional factor comes into play now and that’s booze. Without booze, I’m pretty sure that none of the below would happen. This is how it goes;
On entry into the main reception, having seen a band set up, our star will head straight for myself or Tony and ask what sort of stuff we do, not in an attempt to check out what we will be playing later in the evening but to see where she can slot in. ‘Well, we don’t really do many female vocal numbers’ I say- that’s pretty obvious I would have thought for a two-piece male singing duo. ‘Oh, don’t you do any Adele or something’? ‘No’. That really does leave her in a bit of a fix but fuelled by champers, the lady is not for turning. This is simply the start of roughly three to four hours of incessant pestering which will lead, ultimately, to an absolutely horrific rendition of ‘Mustang Sally’ at about 11pm.
I’m never sure whom to blame in these circumstances. Do I blame the girl herself?- her confidence boosted by 5 glasses of champers, 6 glasses of wine and 3 tequilas. Do I blame the bride and groom for asking her to sing in the ceremony thus giving her this newfound confidence? Do I blame myself for being a cynical, egotistical old fart? It’s probably a mix of all three.
So, if you attend a ceremony next season and a bridesmaid, relative or friend sings in the ceremony then beware because it won’t be the end of it by any stretch. If the girl happens to sing and play the keyboard in the ceremony well you are well and truly stuffed- that’s another kettle of fish altogether!